MUMMY'S DAIRY

It was 6th March 2000 and I had a doctors appointment a the sloan surgery. it was basically an introduction as I had just joined the same doctors as your Daddy, I had to see the doctor and then a nurse for a medical. When Dr. Hilary saw I was pregnant she asked me how my well being was and checked my blood pressure. She said it was high, and that she wasnt to check my stomach to see if they was any abnormalities. There wasn't. however I pointed out that my ankles were hurting, and that they were swollen, at least 3 times my usual size. Once she saw them, she asked me if i had any dizziness(which I had), checked my pressure once more and then refered me straight to Jessops Hospital. I remember walking up from the doctors and my vision was all blurreed and the floor looked about 2ft away from me.

I phoned your dad, told him what had happened and he told me to come straight home. Your nanan dropped us off at the hospital. The receptionist told us to sit on the bench at the side and the porter would come and get us. I remember thinking why couldnt I go up myself. Once we finally got taken into a room i had scans, tests, questions, and I had the heart monitor on my stomach for about 3 hours monitoring you. Finally a doctor came in and told me I had pre-eclampsia. I knew very little about it, so a nurse came in and explained the situation. I was told I had to stay in hospital "till the baby was born", but it would be early, how early they didnt know. that night your dad left as late as possible, I cried all night, which didnt help my pressure one bit.

First thing in the morning i had more scans and tests. but when they ut the monitor on my stomach, they couldnt find a heart beat, then when they finally found one, it was only beating at 64bpm. So they took me straight down to my room, and doctors came in, check it again, and they told me that you was in distress. everything from there went very quickly, i was rushed off to the theatre room. Your dad hadnt got to the hospital by then, so I was crying for him, It was very scary. They put me to sleep and the next thing I remember was your dad shouting "is it still Chloe Louise" I said a faint yes and I dont remember what happened next!! When I woke up I was in loads of pain, I had, had an emergency ceserean, so they was injecting me with Morphine every 5 minutes, it did the trick! I was drugged up for days!

As soon as you were born, you had to go straight up to special care, so when your dad got to see you you was connected to loads of wires. I couldnt see you straight away, because i was too ill. You were born at 11:31am weighing 2lb 15oz although your dad insists it was earlier than that. I saw pictures of you at first and you looked so big, I ouldnt believe you were my baby, I was in such a daze! When I finally got to see you, they brought you down to my highdependance unit room I was in. I only saw you for about 10 minutes but the moment I held you in my arms I was so happy, it hit me that you was mine, you was my little princess, as usual floods of tears came pouring out!

The next day, I was desperate to see you again, so I put on a brave face, told everyone that I was feeling alot better, I even managed to express some milk for you! It was funny because everytime I thought of you my boobs would do a very good Gazza inpersonation! So anyway, The nurse who was looking after me that night, was very nice, she helped me look presentable, stuck me in a wheelchair and took me up to a ward, as soon as I put my stuff down, the nurse tok me straight upstairs to see you. It was the first time I had been up to the special care unit, and it was awful! I went passed loads of tiny babies hooked up to moniors, support machines and ventilators, and then I saw you you looked weak, but you were going strong, again I burst into tears(I bet you are getting used to that now!)out of pure happiness, one of the nurses came over to ask if I was ok, I just said I'm crying cos I'm happy! she laughed.

There was one particular nurse that help your dad and me alot, her name was Sharon and she was lovely! She got you out of you incubator for me told me to strip!, and put you on my chest. It was the first time I had been able to spend any time with you, I must have stayed upstairs for about 4 hours before Sharon told me to go downstairs to get something to eat! Once I had eaten, I went straight back up stairs. I had managed to express you loads of milk, so they put it in the freezer to store. I had that much of it I used to hold you and by the time I put you back you would be soaked from my milk! I stayed in hospital for a week altogether, and I knew the day would come to leave you.

The day I got discharged I stayed upstairs with you all morning, and Daddy came to the hospital around dinner time, I got all my things together, and then we went upstairs to say goodbye. Chloe it was awful, It was at the time the hardest thing I had ever done(since then I have had to leave you for operations instead). I must have said goodbye 15 times before your dad dragged me away because I was getting rather histerical!! I said nothing on the way home, as soon as I got in the house I burst into tears, I couldnt stop. Loads of baby clothes was lying around, moses basket, and plenty of Congratulations cards, but no baby. I didnt expect to feel that bad. Me and your dad sat and hugged for about an hour. I had a bath, pulled myself together and we set off back to the hospital to see you. So again I had to face leaving you, we spent about 3 hours with you and then left at about 10pm. I cant describe what it feels like, you will know when you have children of your own.

Everyday for the next two weeks I would go to the hospital first thing in the morning, stay there till about 2ish and then we would comeback at about 6ish, it was tireing, but in those 2 weeks we got to know each other, your dad bought loads of teddys to put in your incubator(United of course). The last 2 days in hospital we stayed in a family room upstairs, so we could get into the breast feeding properly, and to get a taster of what it would be like when you came home. We did that over the weekend so on Monday morning the doctors came round saw that you were demand brest feeding, and told me you could go home. I phoned your dad up and casually said "arh, theres alittle girl go home today", he said who. When I said Chloe he couldn't believe it, his voice went all funny(like he was going to cry!)But then he started worrying because he hadn't got the house finished.
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